i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
