508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
