I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
