Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think your dad took our porno
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
