I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize