I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
