her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sponge bath it is.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
