Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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