she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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