im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
