all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
