can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
