I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
