I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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