Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
