Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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