I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
