smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
