Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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