I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
