You're so nebulous sometimes
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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