they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
