ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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