u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
