So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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