i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Couch. On fire.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
