I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
