I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
