Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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