OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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