she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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