i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
