mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
