So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize