Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize