I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
