Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
