I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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