just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
