Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
