Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Houston, we have a squirter
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
