nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
