you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The ass gains better be worth it
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