I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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