we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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