I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
