i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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