Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize