At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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