looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
