We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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