First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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