I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
