I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize