pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
