omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
