masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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