I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
