I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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