Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
