You're so nebulous sometimes
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
