I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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