hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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