got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
