I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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