You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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