Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize