sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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