the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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