Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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