you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
