Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
