Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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