I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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