I think I am morally bankrupt
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
